Heart to Heart… and other body parts

Hello May, a beautiful month dedicated to Mental Health Awareness. And this week, we celebrate Mother’s Day on the 11th. In honor of that, I did some small research and spoke to a few amazing mums who helped me put this piece together. I really hope it encourages you to appreciate and support a mum in your life.

The Quiet After Birth
Giving life is a profound and transformative experience. The journey to motherhood comes with a lot of expectations. When you’re pregnant, people love to tell you stories. They talk about cravings and kicks, baby showers and contractions, and what to pack in your hospital bag. If you’re lucky, someone will even mention the sleepless nights and sore nipples.
But no one really talks about what happens in the quiet after the baby is born. No one tells you about the loneliness. The fear. The confusion. The anger.
“It was the biggest shock of my life,” one mum laughed while sharing her journey. She still hasn’t come to terms with it…. it’s a shock that stayed with her. Lydia, a mother to two wonderful teenage boys, told me how difficult her journey was. She felt deep disappointment from her family after giving birth to her first son at just 20. She described her experience as “one of isolation and slow healing.”
And she wasn’t alone. “Giving birth was harder than all the stories my mother and aunts told me,” another mum said. “It was so subjective… so different for both births.”

Postpartum Depression: The Unspoken Reality
Postpartum depression is a mood disorder that can affect women after childbirth. It’s not the same as the ‘baby blues.’ It causes persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, and being overwhelmed. This makes it difficult for a mum to care for herself. It also makes it hard to care for her baby.
Postpartum depression affects about 10–15% of women within the first year after birth. The baby blues, mood swings, irritability, and tearfulness are even more common, affecting up to 85% of mothers. Yet despite these numbers, we still don’t talk about it enough. Cultural and societal norms often silence these stories.
Many women I spoke to said they weren’t even aware of the emotions that can follow birth. Others believed that having support would protect them from it. But that knowledge didn’t shield them enough.
“I believe I had depression after my second pregnancy… I was anxious before my first and I didn’t have the words to name it.”
“No, I wasn’t aware, and I think I experienced it plus shock.”
None of the mothers were fully sure of the details. None were prepared. For something so common, don’t you think we should all know more?

When Expectations Meet Reality
“I thought I would feel better… it was all unbearable.”
“I still feel it sometimes.”
“Overwhelmed. Regretful. Tired.”
These were their answers when asked to compare expectations versus reality. Struggle was part of every story, hidden beneath the smiles. It’s very easy to feel like a bad mum when you’re struggling, when in truth, it happens to other mums too
Motherhood affects not just mood, but ones identity. One mum told me she felt like her whole body had changed, and she wasn’t confident in her skin anymore.
“It affected how I view romantic relationships… I try to maintain my individualism, but I feel guilty at the same time.”
It took many of them years to love their bodies again, to be intimate, to just exist in a moment as themselves, not just as ‘mum.’
Our mothers have suffered, many in silence. It’s heart-breaking. The emotional and physical bounce-back isn’t automatic. And even after multiple children, some mums struggled more at their fourth birth than their first. There is no fixed formula.

Let’s Hold Space
There’s no single thing that can pinpoint the cause of postpartum depression and anxiety. But it’s real. It comes in different forms. And every mum experiences it in her own way.
We should support them. Love them. Embrace them as they take care of a little stranger who’s completely dependent on them.
Motherhood is a whole hood and once you’re in, you’ve got to see it through. Despite the struggles, these women stayed, loved, and are giving their best. They found glimmers of hope in the most ordinary moments:
“When they’d giggle… when they slept and looked peaceful… I just knew I had them, and they had me.”
“I think about my past self. Would she be proud of who I’ve become? That thought keeps me going.”
“She’s happy. Healthy. Growing. That tells me I’m doing okay.”

These mums worked it out and raised beautiful, thriving children. To anyone reading this post, in preparation to become a mum or struggling being one, here’s some words of Wisdom, mother-to-mother:
You are strong, even when you don’t feel it.
Don’t compare your journey.
It’s okay to cry.
You are not alone.

Until Next Time
This Mental Health Awareness Month, we hold space for the unspoken parts of motherhood, the aching ones, the beautiful ones, the healing ones. Let’s talk about them out loud.
In my next post, I’ll tackle mental health stigma and share resources for accessing mental health services in Kenya. See you then for another heart to heart conversation.

By Joan Machanje