Heart to Heart… and other body parts

Hello, and welcome back!

In my last post, I shared thoughts on why men avoid seeking healthcare, and included a short, anonymous questionnaire to spark honest conversations around men’s health, both physical and mental.

I received some incredible responses. If I’m being honest, though, I also felt frustrated. Some of the men I contacted called the survey “useless.” And that right there? That’s part of the problem.

It made one thing very clear: a lot of men still don’t see mental health as necessary, often dismissing it as “not for them,” something shaped by gender norms, silence, and stigma. But that’s precisely why public health voices like this blog must keep challenging those norms. So let’s dive in.

What Does Mental Health Mean?

To start the conversation, I asked a simple question: “What does mental health mean to you?“

• “Emotional wellbeing and the ability to cope with stress.”
• “Being mentally stable enough to reason and deal with life issues.”
• “The ability to perform cognitive functions correctly.”
• “Not being okay, but pretending you are.”

Nearly everyone agreed that mental health is just as important as physical health. But here’s the catch: knowing and talking about it are two different things.

Not one respondent said that mental health was frequently discussed while growing up. Most said “rarely” or “never.” The silence starts young, and it clearly stays with you unless interrupted.

What Does the Silence Look Like?

So what happens when boys grow up without safe conversations about emotions?

They become men who carry depression, anxiety, stress, loneliness, and anger, but don’t talk about it. Mental health doesn’t just show up as sadness. It often looks like:

• Irritability or aggression
• Withdrawal from loved ones
• Risky behaviors or substance use
• Overworking to escape emotional pain

When asked how easy it is to open up about emotional distress (on a scale of 1 to 10), most men answered 2. Only four rated it higher than 5.

Only 2 out of all respondents had ever sought professional help. The rest gave reasons like:

• “I didn’t think it was serious.”
• “I couldn’t afford it.”
• “I was afraid of what people would think.”

And honestly, these quotes hit me hardest:

“Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m feeling I just know I’m not okay.”

“As a man, you’re just expected to survive. Not feel.”

“Pressure makes diamonds,” someone said. But pressure without support? It shatters people.

Let’s be honest. Therapy has been villainised, especially for men. It’s perceived as something weak people do or only something you seek when it’s “serious.” Therapy isn’t just for crises; it’s about learning tools to manage everyday life. It should be as normal as taking Panadol.

Yes, therapy can be expensive, especially in Kenya. But there are free and low-cost options. Here’s a useful list of free mental health services: 🔗 Free Counselling Services in Kenya

Why Does It Matter?

The numbers speak for themselves.

• Over 75% of suicides globally occur among men (WHO, 2021).
• In Kenya, the suicide rate is 6.1 per 100,000 people, with men’s rates three times higher than women.
• Men are also more likely to misuse alcohol and drugs and less likely to be diagnosed or treated for mental health issues.

We cannot ignore this any longer.

What Do Men Need?

Men aren’t asking for pity. They’re asking for:

• Safe, judgment-free spaces to talk
• Affordable access to counselling and therapy
• Education on emotional literacy
• Supportive partners, families, and friendships
• Third spaces ( places outside work or home where they can just be)

The response that rings in my head is the fact that we, as a community, need to acknowledge that men also have feelings and they are not robots. Let’s make mental health a normal thing. From the answers, most men mentioned that they prefer a friend to open up to, so let’s ensure that space is available and without shame. And honestly, to other men, encourage it because from everything I have witnessed on men’s mental health, men are the biggest problem, especially when it comes to supporting each other.

Final Thoughts…

As the month comes to an end, I would just like to repeat it: let’s stop treating mental health as a weakness! Let’s stop teaching boys to toughen up, embrace their emotions, and ask for help. And also YOU, listen, don’t judge. Let’s create a space where everyone can talk freely and safely.

🔗 You can still fill out the anonymous questionnaire here.

Share this post with someone in your circle. Start conversations around men’s mental health. Let this month be the start, not the end, of how we change the narrative.

And as always, drop your thoughts in the comments. Until our next Heart to Heart…and Other Body Parts conversation… 💙